Damn that Facebook! So many things I could have posted here instead!
Damn Facebook anyway...stupid thing never loads properly anyway...
So...this post was actually supposed to be about the Spawn of Satan kitten we've (for reasons known only to the vagaries of the human heart) have taken into our once-peaceful home.
Born to Toby and Koona, the outdoor heathens, this black and white fluffball appeared to be a perfectly normal, happy, adorable kitten, but in fact, he is the Antichrist.
We've given him the dubious moniker of "BB" due to his childhood location. Because of raccoon and oppossom predations, his mother (Toby) moved him at approximately three weeks of age into the large plastic bucket in which we keep our compost (the finished, dry material, NOT the odiferous beginnings!) No matter what we did, where we put him, she was not satisfied unless he was safely ensconsed in his bucket for the night. Thus, Bucket-Boy was born.
BB lived happily in his bucket well into his fifth week. I would come home from work, retrieve him from the bucket (dust him off) and carry him inside the house where he could learn to run, socialize, and use the litter box. After about an hour, he went back out to the bucket for a little milk-on-tap and a snooze.
That worked well for a week or two, and then Toby (for reasons unknown) decided he should move to the floor of the garden shed. I suppose he was getting too rambunctious for the bucket, or perhaps it was the eruption of his baby teeth which prompted the relocation. Maybe Toby was thinking he might get eaten by one of the aforementioned predators and she would no longer have to nurse him. Who knows how mother cats think at that stage of kittenhood?
So, BB came inside. After all, he was learning to use the litter box and eat solid food, and I assumed it would be simple enough to find him a home through freecycle. Right? Wrong.
Two weeks now, only one response on freecycle (a girl who disappeared into cyberspace after one post claiming she could take BB), and we're stuck with him. (I personally think that Satan's Minions did away with the girl who said she could take BB ... sacrificed her to the Dark Lord, or simply had her for a snack ... I've no idea.)
Don't get me wrong, BB is adorable-looking. And he can be sweet when he wants. He comes running, purring and all, when I get home from work. But after one or two moments of petting and cooing, and he becomes the SPAWN of SATAN! He bites, he growls, he spits---yeah, he's just playing, but good lord! What is wrong with him? Why all the acting out? Psychologists would have a field day with him were he human!!
Even Delilah, one of the long-suffering indoor cats upon whom BB has been thrust, is baffled. And if you have never seen a baffled cat, you're missing a priceless expression on a furry face. Why she's being so patient with him, I'll never know. Certainly no-one else in the house has ever been spared her wrath for the slightest infraction, but BB-the-Hell-Spawn can bite her nose and she just blinks! Baffling.
We've come to the conclusion that even though he is a black and white cat, he must be ALL Basement kitty inside.
Peace in the house seems irrevocably lost, but I have to remind myself to be patient. Perhaps it's merely a phase of kittenhood I've never seen before. And, of course, there's always the thought that once Toby is recovered fully from her trip to the vet (had to make sure no more minor daemons were birthed, right??), BB can always go OUTSIDE to live with his parents! LOL!
In the meantime, we must be vigilant and not walk about the house at night barefoot or barelegged. Even sitting at the computer can be a trial without a flyswatter near to hand. The Minion is lurking...
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And now on a completely different note:
Not that this word is particularly weird or anything, I just happened across it one day in a dictionary search and thought it interesting. You normally see hypochondriac, not this. Who uses this, anyway?
Word of the Day: valetudinarian: A sickly or weak person, especially one who is constantly and morbidly concerned with his or her health.
Hah - I told JD you posted about a new kitten, he asked if it was as evil as ours. I said you'd mentioned he's spawn of Satan. He chuckled and replied, "Ours IS Satan."
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the little hellspawn. We're taking our little boy to get snipped soon as he's old enough, to save ourselves on medical bills (don't want him getting big and strong enough to where his flesh-rending might evolve into organ-removing claw attacks.)